I have been mulling about deciding whether or not to create a blog for quite a while.I first had the idea while I was staying up in Boston with Adria,and kept not doing it for the fact that I almost never finish what I start.
I decided to say screw it and just start writing;and hope the result is at least readable and entertaining.And if it can't be that,I hope it will at least have some theraputic value for myself.
I have been having the same thought for some time now,and I think it will feel good to get it written down.
Some people know that I was an impatient at the hospital that Adria ended up passing away at.She was at Boston Children's until May of 2011,and we were then transferred to Connecticut Children's Medical Center,since Boston couldn't really do anything more helpful at that point and she was stable.
I was a patient at CCMC when I was 14 years old.I had Gallstones,something horrible.I kept telling my doctor I thought I had them.He laughed in my face and said "14 year olds DO NOT get gallstones.You DO NOT have gallstones".The short version of the story(because the long one will bore you to death):My gallbladder burst.I had stones migrate into my stomach,spleen,and pancreas,and fluid built up in my lungs from all the excess lyphatic fluid in my body.I coded in the ambulance due to toxic shock.I was rescusitated back to life,but things looked grim.They told my mother she should think about making funeral arrangments,because at this point they still hadn't tested me for gallstones and couldn't figure out why all my organs were starting to fail.I ended up getting acute (and later chronic) pancreatitis,and type 1 diabetes due to the extensive damage to my pancreas.I spent 3 and a half months of my life in that hospital in the summer of 1996.
And I was back,15 years later,in the same ICU.For another 3 months,with my daughter.
I sometimes wonder if the universe meant to take me,15 years ago,and somehow got distracted.When it/whomever came back to complete its task,the wrong person was in the hospital bed-my daughter.
I have thought about this so many times,and I just can't shake it.I hope writing it down makes it leave my mind,if only for a short while.
I'm so glad you're doing this and I think it's going to be therapeutic for you, but also great for those of us who love you to read. I had no idea about your childhood illness. Of course I know about your present health problems, but had no idea what caused them. That doctor makes me ill. :-( However, getting back to the part about Adria... I get what you're saying. It's such a crazy world that your daughter would end up fighting for her life in the same place where you once did the same. However, I think fate/the universe/god/whatever is pretty infalliable. It didn't come to take you and instead took Adria. Rather, I think fate let you live so Adria could be born and could bless this world for the time she was here. When you think about it, if you had died back then, she would never have existed. And the world would be such a darker place if she had never graced us with her presence. So I think fate was giving the rest of us a gift by sparing you so we could know both you and Adria.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful comment, Laura. I whole heartedly agree. And i think you will find writing to be very theraputic. Big hugs, mama.
ReplyDeleteI can't wait to see your thoughts unfold on this blog. You're one of the most inspirational people I know, but at a cost that I can't imagine.
ReplyDeleteHi I'm from the sept 2010 board. Fschep. I'm glad you're blogging and sharing your story and thoughts. Xo Jeanne
ReplyDeleteOh Starr, that made me cry. I'm so glad you're blogging. Not so I can cry more often, but because I think it will help sort out your feelings. It makes such a difference having your thoughts written down for not only others, but for you to see. Adria's life served a purpose. I'm sure of it.
ReplyDelete