This day last year.

This day last year was all around horrible.This year,I think about last year's events and feel lucky that I had the time with Adria that I did;and how it could have been so much shorter.

I was at home for my one full day a week that I would go home.Adria had been stable and there had been no issues,so I wasn't worried (at least not more than usual).I called in the morning for my update,and the nurses(one of her regulars) said she was doing ok;but was a little swollen and would probably need another chest tube put in.As crazy as it sounds,she had so many chest tubes put in and taken out that I just said "ok,go ahead,put in the chest tube" without a worry.They put in the chest tube,it went fine, and she seemed to get better at first.I called again in the early afternoon and they let me know she was having a rough day,and wanted to give her extra sedation and let her sleep.I said that was fine,she needs her rest.I called again around 5:30; and they said she was still not doing well but (in the doctor's words) it was "not a major setback".

Fast forward not even 20 minutes later, maybe 5:48 pm,and my husband is just walking in the door from work so we can get ready to go back up to Boston.Another doctor calls me and tells me that she coded and there's a possibility she may need ECMO again (ECMO,in simple terms,is an extremely invasive bypass machine that helps to oxygenate the body when the body can't do it on its own),and do we want to take those extrodinary measures?It is unthinkable how fast things can change when your child is sick.A minute can change everything.

Luckily,as sick as Adria was (they told us that night she would likely not make it through the night),she managed to somehow pull through it,without needing ECMO.It was a long road to get her back to being herself,and took alot of physical therapy and help from all the doctors and nurses,but she got better.I got another 8 wonderful months with her,when I could have lost her that day on her 4 month birthday.I'm so thankful that I had some time to know her and watch her grow.

On a separate note,there is a fellow baby-loss mama that I have gotten to know over the past few months(Hi Kelly!).On this day last year,around the same time that Adria coded,she lost her almost 2 month old son, Adam.I am lighting a candle in Adam's memory tonight.I know that he and Adria are taking good care of each other.